Today was Fathers Day! My first fathers day since being a lone lonely loner.. Nevaeh spent the weekend with her Dad and so she had a ball today spoiling her Dad at her poppies for Fathers Day but Jie felt a bit flat after his father showed up unanounced (and under the influence) yesterday demanding to see him. I courageously asked him off my property before he made a scene and Jie was devostated when he realized that I said he couldn't see him. I became the bad guy. I allowed Jie to cool off for a bit and knew how hard it was for Jie to understand without actually knowing that his father was a drug addict. I have never felt the need to explain the reasons why his father cant be in his life and have always thought that one day his Dad can explain that to him. From the age of three, when questioned by Jie I have told him that some fathers are just not ready to be fathers and that the day will come when his real dad will be in his life and be a great Dad.. But when given the opportunity two months ago, his father was given a chance to re-establish a relationship with Jie which only lasted 4 visits. Without word he stood Jiedyn up the following two weeks and enough was enough for me. I couldn't bare to see my son hurt any more over his father. Until he showed up yesterday we hadn't seen or heard from him since Jie last saw him in July. Jiedyn loves his Dad and I think being fathers day the next day contributed to Jie feeling hurt that I was stopping him from seeing him.
Because Jie had a friend over for the night, I just let the night go on without any real conversation around the matter. The boys were too busy playing pokemon cards and watching harry potter to notice what I was doing. Jie didn't bring anything up at dinner or a bed time so I just left it.
This morning I woke up and the boys had already had breakfast and right back to playing pokemon cards.. When I woke up Jie pulled a plastic bag from his school bag and brought it over to me on the couch.. He had got me a fathers day gift with his own money from his money box. Apparently there was a fathers day stall at school (which I did know about but didn't worry too much about this year) and he dug into his own money for me.
I felt completely amazing when he thanked me for being his mummy and dad too. As his mate laughed at the gifts which had #1 Dad on them Jie just looked at me in awe. He threw his long arms around me and told me he loved me. My eyes welled up. He is such a special kid. Deserving of a father but thankful for his Mama.
On the way to Church this morning he then asked why he couldn't see his real dad for fathers day. He said he really wanted to and that he missed him. He said I was unfair because Nevaeh was with her Dad and he couldn't work out why he couldn't be with his.
Because we have changed the rules and how we run our home life, it was so much easier to explain in a way Jie would understand. 'Good choices have rewards, bad choices have consequences' has become a sort of mini family motto for us. So when I explained that his Father was making the wrong choices (without going into detail) with his life and that the wrong choices have consequences Jie soon understood and was content about not seeing his Dad. It's been so hard to try and keep him from getting caught up in his fathers self inflicted drama, its hard to find the right words to say to a seven year old who has never seen drugs or the major effects of alcohol. Half the time I feel like I should just tell him but the other half of me doesn't want to expose him to things a child doesn't need to worry about. I'm torn as to what my next step will be and worry now that I have told his father that he is not seeing him. He is just so unpredictable.
Fathers day for us this year was mostly spent at Church, praising and worshipping the Father of all fathers. Our Church blessed me and the other fathers of the church with Fathers Day gifts, it was awesome to be recognized for being both Jie's Mum and Dad. Dinner was fish 'n chips (my Dad's favorite) and dessert was chocolate and coconut snow balls which Jie made all by himself! Super tasty..
Happy Fathers Day Dads and we hope you got super dooper spoiled today!
1 replied:
How awesome is Spring! I'm loving it but I'm not sure how excited I am about it being all "hey it's spring and I'm in ya face!" thing.
You are doing such a fabulous job. For Jie to think of what he did is nothing short of amazing. And the feelings he goes through with his dad is hard - for him and you. And it could get worse as he grows up, as he asks more questions, but with that he will also grow, and will have the capacity to deal with that. And of course you are with him every step of the way. I'm so in awe of your parenting, Mel. Really wish you were on my side of Melbourne so we could meet up and encourage each other.
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