{Day 144} Diploma Complete

For the past 18 months I have been studying a Diploma in Community Service and as of today it is complete. Reflecting back at how I did this has me so so proud of myself. 

In the last 18 months I have taken the time to study, hand in all my assignments, online assessments  and achieve my goal regardless of..

• My Daughter showing sexualised behaviours as a result of her being sexually abused in 2017. This was such a hurtful and hard thing to come to accept. I think we all as parents want to know that our kids are happy and healthy and we're raising them the absolute best we can so when this happened I felt like such a failure. She has since been attending CASA (Sexual abuse counselling) and has a school mentor. Being alongside someone you love trying to make sense of a situation she had no control of has been without a doubt difficult. Add panic attacks and anxiety to her symptoms and it becomes scary. We are both learning as we go but parenting a child of sexual abuse is so so hard and they tell me the worst is yet to come.
• My Dad being diagnosed with Cancer. This was absolutely devastating news and with it my life began to snow ball. Spending time with him became my priority so studying around the frequent trips to see him and sit with him in hospital (sometimes for up to 3 hours at a time) became a weekly occurrence. I remember leaving after dropping the kids at school and barely making it home in time to pick them back up. But I know Dad valued this time with me and before I started working part time we did go out for lunch a few times and to the Markets together. He is getting too sick now but I'm glad I juggled my study to make that work. Time with him is so precious.
• The end of a beautiful friendship. These few girls whom I once valued the opinions of and would have been there for no matter what, had their back and held their hands and hearts through life's toughest times hated on me publicly, intentionally made be feel belittled and as though I wasn't enough. They banded together to judge me, my kids and my life. To one of these particular girls I'd like to say this: You hurt me only because I valued you. You spoke ill of our friendship when we shared so many precious moments together. You left me at a time when I needed you most and although your words and actions hurt me and my kids - we learned how to protect ourselves from the hate and negativity we were going through and ultimately how to love and trust people again.
• Organising the 2018 Bacchus Marsh Indigenous Football Round. This was such a big task and to do this completely alone I was tempted to throw it in. But as you have probably noticed by now, I am no quitter. So after receiving the community grant and collaborating with the local footy side I pulled off such an amazing day which had the footy club buzzing. Some community members had never in their lives encounter our culture so it was nice to share, teach and show off the beauty of our culture. I'm so glad I did it.
• Health Issues. Just a few months ago I had lumps develop on my breast. For the weeks that followed as I underwent tests I was in autopilot with life changing thoughts going through my head. Thankfully, with prayer from my friends and church the lumps completely disappeared. Praise God!
• Counselling and Support Groups. In certain aspects in my life I needed good counsel, I needed good friends from the outside to help me direct my life. I started seeing a counsellor soon after my Dad's diagnosis and within a few weeks I was prescribed medication. This medication still sits in my cupboard as I believe I have a Heavenly father whom promised that He would never give me anything I couldn't handle. With powerful prayer, good friends and a coffee catch up with a leader from our church now and then I am no longer needing a counsellor. 
• Another Cancer Diagnosis. Completely out of the blue one day Jeanette (my eldest niece) received news that her father was in hospital so we made the 3 and a half hour trip down to see him as he is the father of all 4 of my sisters kids whom I have in Kinship care with me. The results come a few days later that is was cancer. Unfortunately to this day and now 4 trips to hospital their father Justin is still refusing medical care, still using drugs and alcohol and left the hospital with internal bleeding. Please pray for him.
• Our Small House. 2 and half bedrooms to be exact. I share a room with my daughter, have a single bed about 30cms away from hers. As the kids get bigger and need their space this living situation is just not suitable. There is no space for a dinning table, a desk, storage options for the kids clothing or even a shed. I have been meeting with the kids DHHS worker, Child Protection and Housing to find a solution but after 4 years of absolutely nothing I reached out to our local MP for advocacy. With their help we have been offered a new house just this week. More details soon.. Watch this space!
• Family Holidays. As much as you might think holidays are holidays, how could they possibly get in the way of your education? They really did. In summer we stayed at a few caravan parks just to escape the heat. Our small house also doesn't have sufficient heating and cooling so when we had a week of 40+ weather I paid big bucks just to leave home. At the time I also had to keep the kids cool and occupied and study in a small cabin. Not as easy as you may think.
• The death of our Cat. A cat whom loved us and us him. With a love so big we couldn't bare to watch him waste away another moment. His presence in our home is still missed today.
• Football, Basketball (x2 teams), Youth Group, Soccer, Tutoring, Volunteering, Church, School productions (incl drama, instrumental and dance) and culture commitments. Which all speaks for itself really. Also a graduation, a few grand finals and countless SSG (student support) meetings.
• Pneumonia. I had pneumonia and was hospitalised after I came back from a 6 and a half hour drive from seeing the kids Dad in hospital. I had to get injections in which they accidently doubled my dose not realizing and I thought I was going to die. Studying was far from my mind at that point.
• Chicken Pox. Diagnosed by a local doctor in regards to 3 of my youngest kids right in the last week and smack bang in the middle of my last (and biggest) unit only to find out after I'd handed it in that is wasn't chicken pox at all. FML. A whole week off school for eczema.. Thanks Doc!
• And then we're talking Teens yeah? Melt down, power struggles, tantrums, emotions flying high and then low. I thought I hated the 3-4yo ages but that is nothing compared to the 13-14yo ages. and I still have another three to come. 
• But by far the hardest was just trying to juggle laundry, good food for dinners (which requires cooking after a mentally exhausting day at work or studying), shopping, time with each child,  keeping up to date with kids parties and camps and excursions and underage raves and social lives.

 I felt completely exhausted 80% of the time and hated not being able to catch up with friends or what was happening in the world but I did it and I did it for me! 

via GIPHY