September was by far the hardest month made up of some of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make in my adult life.
September started off pretty cruisy with work keeping me busy. I’m getting the hang of my new roles as the Aboriginal Social and Emotional Wellbeing and Aboriginal Outreach Worker for Western Health Melton and still enjoy helping community as the AHLO where I can.
The first day of September was nearing the end to a pretty hectic week and I was glad to see the clock tick down at the end of that Friday!
Coming home to my wonderful partner David everyday is something I still can’t get used to. I don’t know how or why this man is still with me. With my big moods, stubborn attitude and the stress of raising teens I thought he would have ran for the hills by now. But somehow he calms me, when I’m fired up it’s his calm nature that brings me back down to reality to rationalise things level headed. I really do adore this man.
It was just after covid (see previous post) that I made the selfless decision to relinquish care of my niece Justine whom has been like a daughter to me since age 3.
Just a month ago I opened my door again for my nephew whom ended up stealing from our family. Everything was set for him, a new job set to start that following weekend, his own caravan coming the next day, a school based apprenticeship as an electrician next year and a place in the Bacchus Marsh Rep Basketball team so I will never understand why he would do this to us especially when he had so much to look forward to and such good opportunities in life.. anyhoo.. In amongst all this happening prior to my Covid 19 experience, I had my middle niece harassing and creating fake accounts to belittle and berate me constantly, I had my daughter on the verge of living with her father as she was heavily influenced by her cousins and shit friendship group whom had her disrespecting my authority, wagging school, staying at drug houses in Melton and sleeping at city train stations lying to her father and I the whole time.
So I gave the Department 3 weeks to replace both Hiram and Justine.
After Hiram stole from me he left early hours the next morning and never came back choosing to stay with his middle sister and eventually his Mum.
As for Justine, even though I had Covid it was my absolute priority to ensure she had the absolute best chance in life with a foster family close to her school, extracurricular activities and most importantly us.
Even while I was hospitalised I was working hard to ensure this happen for her and it was with great JOY that a beautiful family in our community opened up their doors to allow Justine into their house, hearts and family long term.
The transition was bittersweet, I absolutely love this girl like my own daughter but being in my care is not what’s best for her. Being exposed to disrespectful and unruly teens is only going to have her following the same direction and I want better then that for her. I pray with all my heart that she learns what is right and what is wrong in life and chooses to live a good and honest life one day. But for now, I know she is where she is meant to be, enjoying being a ten year old without the drama and influence she would have had living with me and I am both thankful for the family and to God for what’s to come for her future.
After blocking everyone of my family (and associates) whom have made it their personal mission to judge and hurt me intentionally each and every day this month which forced me to delete Snapchat, Twitter and put my other social media accounts on private I felt it was time to smile again. And so it was nice to spend a night out with friends whom make me laugh and whom bring out the best in me..
Life is hard enough without people you love and care about hurting you so it’s nice to have a few go-to friends to lighten the load.
Depression hit me just a few short days after when I saw the massages left on my blog (again by anonymous but again not hard to figure out who they were coming from) which were never published. Everyday was a struggle and I felt like such a failure in every area of my life.
But I got up, I showed up, I worked through the hard days, I self talked, self loved and took back control of my home. My home is to be my peaceful place, my place of rest and solitude from all that can cause me harm. No more believing the lies these people tell themselves to make themselves feel better about hurting me. No more retaliating or justifying the good person I am and always have been. I got my ass up, took myself to work each and every day and advocated, loved on, shared my days with my community and coworkers where what I do each and every day with (and for) our Aboriginal elders truly makes me feel fulfilled.
As parents we lead by example, each day is an opportunity to teach our kids no matter how old something new. Raising teens is hard, but allowing them to be themselves, make and most importantly learn from their own mistakes is fundamental for their development. But we do have to have standards, boundaries of what we won’t tolerate and teach our kids right from wrong so they can one day make these unguided decisions for themselves.
Nevaeh has settled again without the influences of her cousins and friendship group and Justine is thriving with her new carers. I have also linked Jeanette (20yo niece whom lives with us) in with a youth worker to help her find direction in her life. She is looking forward to finding share accommodation, getting her license and finding a full time job. As for the men of the house, Jie is happy to see things settle as the cousins coming back into our lives caused such a stir (he is an empath and hates seeing me stressed and hurting) and David is still on the lookout for a job, which seems to annoy everyone else in the family except me as I make enough money to provide for us all comfortably.
And, well.. that’s a wrap, but before I log off here is the bunch of native flowers given to me by work on the last day of the month. After the shit show of a month I’ve had.. I think I deserve them.. it’s nice to feel appreciated for all that you do..
