This past month has been hard, I have lost my husband of only six months. My son has lost all the family has ever known and my daughter has lost her father, her security and her structured life.
I was struggling so much emotionally and financially with my kids. I was struggling with the fact that my husband not only walked out on me but our bills and our childrens routine. I also couldn't believe that the support networks we had previously, now were so quick to say I was better off without my husband. People who were at our wedding, who witnessed our love and commitment to each other, who blessed our family and who cried when Matthew promised me forever and my son a Dad always were all keen on seeing us go our seperate ways.
After Matt not turning up to promised "chat times" and visitation, I called on friends and family (both mine and his) for support for not only myself but for him also. I even called a Christian marriage counsellor to try and break down the communication barrier between us. I tried everything I could to try and save my marriage but it was useless and made me feel like a failure when he didn't want us.
His words were so hurtful that I had to stop calling him and try to move forward with and for my kids who were hurting the most. But what I didn't realize was that it was going to make me stronger and more mature as a person and mother.
With no support apart from a few good friends, being on my own was draining. Full aware that the abuse and put downs I was receiving from the man I married I knew I wasn't being the best mother I could be. I was broken. His words, his mothers words and his father trying to rip Nevaeh from me was just too much. I needed help, I needed advice, I needed support and I just needed to know that what I was doing was okay. I called DHS.
Today as I sit here writing this, I still don't fully understand why I am going though this. I might never know. But one thing I am sure of is that I'm a lot stronger and wiser, my son is a lot happier and free to be a brother and my daughter is still in regular contact with her father and his family.
I realised that I have two little reasons to smile.. my bright and beautiful children.
And that is all I need!
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I was struggling so much emotionally and financially with my kids. I was struggling with the fact that my husband not only walked out on me but our bills and our childrens routine. I also couldn't believe that the support networks we had previously, now were so quick to say I was better off without my husband. People who were at our wedding, who witnessed our love and commitment to each other, who blessed our family and who cried when Matthew promised me forever and my son a Dad always were all keen on seeing us go our seperate ways.
After Matt not turning up to promised "chat times" and visitation, I called on friends and family (both mine and his) for support for not only myself but for him also. I even called a Christian marriage counsellor to try and break down the communication barrier between us. I tried everything I could to try and save my marriage but it was useless and made me feel like a failure when he didn't want us.
His words were so hurtful that I had to stop calling him and try to move forward with and for my kids who were hurting the most. But what I didn't realize was that it was going to make me stronger and more mature as a person and mother.
With no support apart from a few good friends, being on my own was draining. Full aware that the abuse and put downs I was receiving from the man I married I knew I wasn't being the best mother I could be. I was broken. His words, his mothers words and his father trying to rip Nevaeh from me was just too much. I needed help, I needed advice, I needed support and I just needed to know that what I was doing was okay. I called DHS.
Today as I sit here writing this, I still don't fully understand why I am going though this. I might never know. But one thing I am sure of is that I'm a lot stronger and wiser, my son is a lot happier and free to be a brother and my daughter is still in regular contact with her father and his family.
I realised that I have two little reasons to smile.. my bright and beautiful children.
And that is all I need!
