Family.
What does it look like to you?
The closest thing to I have seen to what I would call a family unit was found in my second last foster home..
The family home was very structured. Came together for meals. Prayed together. Went to church together. They were genuinely interested in hearing what the other members of the family did with their days. They laughed together often. Found comfort in one another in hard times. Would resolve conflict then and there and were always prepared to say sorry and forgive. But most of all, were open to hearing how they could better your time in their home.
To me that's what a family looks like.
As a mother now I aim high when it comes to being a good parent. I try to provide all my childrens needs and not wants. I listen to their days, talk about mine and we are very open and honest to each other daily. Even when it's hard. I have an emotional connection with each of my kids and love them both very much. I am strong in disciplining them though they know what I expect from them.
One of the biggest lessons I have learned during motherhood is to advise simple and reachable expectations according to their ages. Know what they can and can't do, may or may not do, want to or dont want to do and clearly show them the right way (what you expect of them) of doing it.
You'll hear me say things like..
"Now, when we get to the shops we need bread, milk and tissues." - Clear expectations
"You have two choices" - Unpleasant or Pleasant (and follow through)
"We need to brush our teeth now" - Sometimes the word "we" works better than "you"
"That was very rude, would you like to try that again?" - Correction
But the one I say most (Jie will tell you) is..
"We all need to make our own choices. Some are easy and some are hard. Even Mums sometimes make bad choices. What you need to do is decide to make good choices in your life. As Jesus did"
Choices comes up a lot in our conversations. My kids now say things like "Was that a good choice?" to each other all the time. We sometimes may not have a lot of choices, but we always have at least two.
Togetherness is another key word. We do everything either together or for each other. If someone asks for something politely than it is given to them. That's just how it goes. It's okay to do for yourself in certain situations but for the most part we do for each other.
Family is a wonderful thing. I love being a mother and raising my children in a home where my kids know how much I love them and value their opinions, values and wise choices. I guess in a broken family like my own it's nice to have had that short time with that one christian foster family who taught me righteous living.
As you saw in my previous post my Uncle got married last Sunday. It was the first time I had seen most of my family since I was 11 or 12 years old. I have little to no memories of them ever being in my life. But the memories I do have of them are precious. Memories of a Christmas party we attended one year. Of a stew my great grandmother cooked. A backyard full of a beautiful garden with beer can windmills around every corner. I also remember having to act a certain way. Dress a certain way, speak only when spoken to and address them respectfully even when disrespected. Although they are my family I have never felt as though I fit in to their lives.
Regardless, it was nice to be around my family and to feel like I actually have one of my own. Even just for a day. It was an emotional time afterwards. All I had ever wanted growing up was a family, to love and accept me. I did find that love, exception and support in my Nana (Mums Mum) before she passed away five years ago. But I don't think I'll ever have that again. I have never hated my family, I guess you can't hate people you hardly know and who hardly know you. I just think we are all very different, My Uncle and my Pop have always been my favorites. Uncle Shane and I have always had a great relationship and being the only Christians in the family we share that connection. Dad is so close to Pop, they are alike in so many ways so I can totally be myself around him. The women in the family I feel as if they look down at me. Like I don't measure up. I try to be myself and connect with them but they are so shut and short. I love my family, they are a part of my genetic being and the people who raised my Dad into the father he is today. I love that I was invited to such a wonderful family event after all these years and got the privilege of seeing my Uncle so happy. God really is amazing at surprise blessings. Being able to worship beside them and just hug my great grandmother again was so meaningful. It was an answer to prayer seeing everyone again. So thankful.
