His First Senior Sports Day!

While sitting beside Jie for his initial meeting with his new Grade 3 teacher I could see he was nervous. He mumbled his name and but soon warmed up to her. He spoke about his interests in reading and expressed his concerns about part-taking in Senior Sports Day at this year. This was in January.

March had come around so fast and a letter was sent home regarding Senior Sports Day (asking for money of course). Jie was still a little nervous but very excited and wanted me to sign and say he could go then and there. I waited.

Not sure if he would want to do it or not I waited until closer to the day. The School was at me for the money (and honestly, how ridiculous is it that we have to pay for a sports day? Couldn't they fundraiser or something for this curricular activity? Apparently the money was for sports equipment.. Is that not why way pay School Fee's? so our children have everything they need for these sorts of things?) but all I worried about was how Jie was feeling. 

Senior Sports day finally came and I dropped him off to school. I paid the office and walked him over to the back oval. He was dressed in his house colours and was eager to begin.

I left him and he was happy. I prayed he'd do well.

That afternoon he burst through the doors, dumped his bag at the door and was yelling out while frantically searching for me that his house team had won. He showed me his sports card and ribbon and I squeezed him tight and told him how proud of him I was. 

Together we found previous years ribbons and sports slips and compared how much better he had gotten. He wanted to hang all of his achievements up on the wall in his room, but I like having them altogether put away so I know where they all are. 

Jie had conquered one of his fears that day and did well. I was so so proud of him.

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Her First Disco!

Unfortunately my phone went flat just before the doors opened for Nevaeh to venture into her very first disco. It was so frustrating because I video recorded Jiedyn's first disco but wasn't able to capture her moves. But here's how it all went down.

Because the disco Junior started at 4pm there was no point in us walking home and back so I bought their disco clothes to school pick up. 

The kids played for a bit after school with friends before we headed to the grade three toilets so they could change. 

I did Nevaehs hair while sitting on the stel outside the Grade 3 area and soon was surrounded with grade three girls giggling and chatting with Nevaeh.

Jie played soccer with some boys while we were busy.

We got a quick snack and I allowed them some lemonade from the canteen.

 They posed for a few quick snaps before Nevaeh lined up excitedly and went in..

Nevaeh spent her time dancing around with all different friends. Grade preps, grade ones and grade twos were all there and she had friends in every year level. 

When it was time for the Senior School disco (years 3-6) Jie hung with a group of boys from his year level. Nevaeh was with us and danced with grade 5 and 6 girls throughout the night. The boys did some break dancing and tried to start a conga line. 

I was proud of them both and loved watching them enjoying this time with their friends.

Afterwards, we got fish and chips and ate in the park on Main Street.

It was a great night out..

Thanks BMPS for another fantastic event!

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Learning about the History of Australia + Myself!

This blog post is from my Study Blog and was written and published on the 24th of February..

Last night I watched a chilling documentary about the first Australians and was completely and utterly heartbroken. The documentary was called Lousy Little Sixpence and went into detail about colonization and the impact it had on Indigenous people.

As an indigenous person myself I was mortified. I remember touching on the subject at School but never in this much detail and while growing up with the white side of my family and then getting shuffled around foster homes throughout my adolescents I had no real idea about my culture or what they went through all those years ago.

My Grandfather was a full blood Torres Strait Islander and my Nana was Pom. My Nan moved onto Thursday Island as a way to get away from a sexually abusive father and a family who turned a blind eye to the abuse. My Grandfather was already married and Nana was his second wife. This was not unusual on the island. My Grandfather had a daughter to his first wife before Nana fell pregnant with my Mother. Mum was born a half-caste. Making me quadroon and my children octoroon. Nana spoke of a lot of traditions on the island before she passed away, how her husband was a fishermen, how the house was ran, what it was like having to share your husband with other women (he had 4 wives) and what life was like on the island.

Just before Mum was due my grandmother left the island after hearing of the traditions set by the elders of the community. According to TSI tradition the first born child in every family must be given to an elder. Nan didn't speak much of why but she also mentioned that it was also tradition to bury a newborn baby up to their neck in the sand and leave them overnight. Apparently if they died during the night they were not strong enough for the tribe but if they survived, they were accepted and welcomed into the family with a special welcome ceremony. By leaving, our culture and heritage were also left behind and Mum was raised being the only indigenous one in my Nanas family.

My Grandmother went on to have another child who was blonde, blue eyed and fair skinned. Nan married three times but Mum never met her real father or any of her family from the island.

Although our skin is dark and our indigenous features stand out we have no idea about who we are, what tribe we're from, what language we spoke or even what my Grandfather looked like.

I researched a little right after my Nana passed away and found an announcement of my grandparents marriage. It was listed under the heading "Mixed Marriages" and was almost invisible at the bottom left hand corner of the newspaper. I contacted a man whom remembers a telegram being sent from the mainland to the island but then returned. That telegram contained information about my grandfathers death at age 42 and was never received by his family. I also found where he is buried through research of plot names was in the same place he passed away. 

Since then I started a family tree and found and connected with the relatives and family he grew up with but caught a snag upon finding out that he was actually adopted. His biological parents are Unknown. Sailor was his adopted name and Nawie was in fact the name on his birth certificate. 

I guess we'll never really know much about him. All I know of him is that he loved my Nana and all of his wives deeply. He worked hard to provide for them and his child (Mum's half sister). He loved to sing and was a hard worker. He loved the ocean, his people and his family. After Nan left his he became an abusive alcoholic. When Nana went for full custody of my mother (Mum was 4yo) he threatened to kill her during the hearing. He was drunk. The court ruled my Nana full custody and made a life intervention order against my grandfather to protect my Nana. He never fought to see Mum again.

I never thought I'd be writing about all of this but it's amazing how just a small component of my study into indigenous culture and learning about the history of Australia can impact my life and make me want to appreciate who I am more. 

I have also learned to appreciate who my mother is and the life she's had to live. Although it doesn't completely excuse her for the choices she has made throughout her life, this part of her past, her identity and need to fit in somewhere while growing up with a racist family has contributed into her being who she is today. I love my Mum and always have and in doing this part of my family tree and learning about my family history I now understand the effects of displacement, racism and her loss of identity. I only wish someone had reached out to her in her times of need.. 

My Mum on the right..

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What if..

This month has been a pretty big  what if.. month for me.

My husband and I were together for just over five years before we got married. We had our fair share of ups and downs but at the end of the day I loved my husband and prayed daily that God would make our family work.

After being married for just 6 months my husband left.

To this day I still no valid explanation as to why he left but he did and has been gone now for 2 and a half years.

Last Wednesday was our would have been 3rd year wedding anniversary.

We are still married as none of us has filed for a divorce and both I and my son still use his name on most of our documentations.

We are getting along better these days and probably the best since our separation.

We share the load while still keeping our distance.

I care about him but he has changed so much since we were together.

I feel like we have nothing in common and wonder if we ever did.

So much time has passed that my feelings have changed towards him.

My love for him is gone.


Sometimes I think about the what if.. 's in regards to mine and his relationship. I wonder what it would be like to still have him in our lives. I wonder if I would be achieving all that I am now without him or if the kids would be who they are today. I also wonder who he would be if he were still with me, if he would be kind and loving or as sour and as self centered as he has become now.

I don't know what God's plans are for my life but I trust in him to direct and guide me to where he wants me to be. I have stopped blaming God for my marriage mess and now realize the power of free will. God gives humans the opportunity to make choices that genuinely affect their destiny. My husband choosing to leave us was his own choice and not God's plan for our marriage. I know this now and have since forgiven my husband.

Although my life is amazing and the Lord is providing opportunities for my children and I to live a happy and healthy lifestyle I always come back to the what if.. 's and sometimes miss the better moments in our relationship as Man and Wife.

A small reminder to continue to trust..

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Her 1st tooth is gone..

It seems like only yesterday that my son lost his first tooth. 

Today he and I explained to his little sister about "The Tooth Fairy".

Excitedly she went to find her tooth to put in a glass of water beside her bed.

But how it all went down is why your all reading right?

Here's how this pretty little grin happened..

Well it all started when the kids were out on the trampoline playing. Jie and Nevaeh had been out there for over an hour while Kelvene and I were watching a movie inside. 

Nevaeh comes in telling me that she is bleeding, but not to get mad at Jie because they were just paying a game. Seeing the blood in her fingers I asked for a closer look and saw that a tooth was missing. I asked her where her tooth was. She looked at me and I told her that her tooth wasn't there, that it had come out. She ran to her mirror in the room and came back bright eyed excited. She ran out the back door and came back in with Jie and her tooth excited that she had lost her first tooth! Apparently they had been playing a game and Jie had pushed it out with the palm of his hand. I wasn't angry because she wasn't sad or upset and I know my kids are rough as guts when they play out there sometimes, not in a nasty way just in general. Jie and I explained about the tooth fairy to which she raced to put her tooth under her pillow. Jie and I corrected her and she found a glass, filled it with water, dropped her tooth in it and it's now beside her bed waiting to be picked up by the tooth fairy! 

Tonight while I was putting an extra blanket on Nevaeh's bed (the cooler nights are now here to stay). Jie asked me why people lie about the tooth fairy. Earlier he told Nevaeh that the tooth fairy wasn't real but I just said to her that if you believe in her, she'll come. She winked and excitedly smiled. Jie has known for a few months that the tooth fairy is make believe. After a bit of small talk he is on board with bringing a smile to Nevaeh's face and excitement to her heart. 

As I layed beside my little munchkin tonight I could see the excitement in her eyes as she looked towards the glass. I have no idea how much to put in there tonight, and I can't remember how much Jie got for his first tooth but I think I might just fill it with silver and a gold!

Goodnight All x

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My Second Baby Questioniare

1. WAS YOUR SECOND PREGNANCY PLANNED?  
Yes, we wanted a sibling for Jiedyn

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? 
No but Nevaeh's father and I had been together for 2 years prior

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS?  
Scared, nervous.

4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU? 
Yes but it wasn't on our mind to abort her.

5. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 
20 years old.

6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? 
Morning sickness and a pregnancy test.

7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? 
Her father took a day off work to be at the doctors. After the apt with the doctor we told Jiedyn and ordered Chinese for dinner to celebrate. We told Aunty Kristal, Nana Baker, Uncle Allan, Poppy Leon, Aunty Zoe and Pop that night.

8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX?  
I did and my best friend (Aunty Zoe) came to the ultrasound with me on the 15th of December 2008 when we found out what we were having.

9. WHEN WAS YOUR DUE DATE?
Between April 22nd and May 4th.

10 DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? 
Yes. I was but only for the first two months.

11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE?
McDonalds Mayo.

12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? 
Matthews family wanting her to be named after his mother and sister.

13. WHAT WAS YOUR SECOND CHILD'S SEX? 
A beautiful pink blessing.

DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING? 
Yes, I had wanted a boy. I wanted a brother for Jie and because we already had a lot of boys things. I warmed up to the idea of having a daughter after she was born. I remember long conversations with my best friend and feeling like I didn't want her. (post-natal depression)

15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY? 
I have no idea. I wasn't counting.

16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER?
I didn't.

17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW? 
N/A

18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? 
I didn't, just heartburn.

19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? 
In a hospital bed at the Bacchus Marsh Hospital.

20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR?
3 hours, 30 minutes.

21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? 
Matt, Jie and I all walked from our home at 2.30am.

22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH?
Matthew.

23. WAS IT VAGINAL OR C-SECTION?
Vaginal.

24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN?
No, nothing.

27. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 
8 Pound 7 Ounces.

28. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN ?
6.30am on April the 26th.

30 WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER?
Nevaeh Anne

31. HOW OLD IS YOUR SECOND BABY TODAY?
5 years old.

A photo taken out of Nevaeh's baby journal.

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My First Baby Questionnaire

 1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED?  
No it wasn't.

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? 
No I'd only been with Jiedyn's father for around 3 months prior.

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS?  
I went into hibernation mode. I don't remember walking out of the doctors but do remember locking myself in my room not wanting any company and just crying. At the time his father and I were living in a 12 bedroom squat with no power. I had a $50 a day drug habit and we were surrounded by drug addicts, prostitutes and drunks. I was terrified of bringing a baby into all of it and was trying to figure out what my next move would be.

4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU? 
When I was at the doctors in Fortitude Valley, Queensland, the doctor felt my stomach and told me that I was more than halfway through my pregnancy. I told him about my drug habit and he told me that termination of my pregnancy was not an option. I hadn't even thought about it then and there but no, it wasn't an option.

5. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 
I was 17yo when I walked into the doctors and found out.

6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? 
I had no idea I was even pregnant. I wasn't showing and although I was sick I thought it had to do with my asthma and the cannabis I was smoking.

7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? 
I actually don't know who I told first. His father was there at the appointment and after hibernating Daniel had told the people we were living with. I think I may have told my Mum first who was living on the streets at the time.

8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX?  
I did.

9. WHEN WAS YOUR DUE DATE?
19th of November 2005

10 DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? 
Yes. I was so sick every morning and even in the afternoons. I had triggers too. The smell of coconut and raw meat made me run to the nearest bathroom

11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE?
Roast Potato and Pickles. I used to ask for a cup of Pickles from McDonalds and they wouldn't charge me for them. I'd eat the whole cup of pickles then get heart burn but it was so worth it. Potatoes were harder to find while living on the streets. Jiedyn's father walked up and down every lane way and went into every cafe and restaurant looking for roast potatoes. By the time we found a street van who sold them in was three days after my craving.

12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? 
Not having a home. Or supportive family.

13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX? 
I had a baby boy.

DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING? 
Nope because everyone in our family on my mothers side had always had girls first so I was proud to be breaking the cycle and giving my grandmother a grandson.

15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY? 
Weight in my circumstances wasn't as important as finding support and a roof over our head so I didn't really get to enjoy this aspect of my pregnancy.

16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER?
I didn't.

17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW? 
N/A

18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? 
I had low iron and heart burn pretty much the whole way through. Also Jie had to be endued 10 days after his due date as he just didn't want to come out.

19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? 
In a hospital bed at the Bacchus Marsh Hospital.

20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR?
5 hours and 10 minutes.

21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? 
His father and I walked in late for our 8.30am apt. I slept in.

22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH?
Jiedyn's father Daniel, His mother Cindy and his sister Stacy.

23. WAS IT VAGINAL OR C-SECTION?
Vaginal

24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN?
I had pethadine and a little Gas. I didn't like the Gas much.

27. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 
7 Pound 10 Ounces (I think)

28. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN ?
Around about 2.30pm on November the 29th.

30 WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER?
Jiedyn Karl

 31. HOW OLD IS YOUR FIRST BORN TODAY?

9 years old

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Nevaeh reading her Reader this week..

It felt like just yesterday that my son was reading his first reader..
This week nevaeh read to us her first book..
Here's how it all went down..

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