Angry. Crying. Hurt

Angry.

Crying.

Hurt.

On mothers day this year I sent my uncle a message.

This was the message:

Hi Uncle D. I hope things are well with you and the family. I see you now have a grandson and granddaughter. Congrats on getting back in touch with W and N. I was just wondering if you could send me just a few photos of my childhood from the albums you have of our family. I have maybe 4 photos of me under the age of 14yo and none of Mum and I together apart from the one taken at Nana's funeral. I have just so much of my messed up life to piece back together. If your willing my address is still ((my address here)). You don't need to reply. Miss.

He blocks me.

I sent this message because the only good memories I have of my Mother are now photos which Mum left in a shed at my Aunty's around 15 years ago. Family Photo albums of my childhood including my first baby book full of my birth details etc. Also in the albums are photo's of my siblings and I with our Nana who passed away just four months after my Daughters birth in 2009. These precious moments have no value to them. None of us kids, my Mum or my Dad have had anything to do with them in almost 5 years after Nana passed. And quite honestly if you knew what my Nana endured while she lived in a granny flat behind their home you'd know why we have all wiped them. No one should live worst then their pet dogs!!

I'm sorry. I am just so angry. My Uncle has lived his whole life without his children, paying for detectives etc to search for them for over 12 years and I thought out of everyone he would understand what it's like to feel without family. I found them on Facebook not long after Nana passed away and although we weren't talking at the time I still made every effort to ensure they all reunited. I did that. And I got no thanks..

I feel like I have a right to the photos of myself as a child. Growing up in foster homes you lose yourself very quickly, and with all that I have been through all I asked for was a few photos. They have maybe 6 albums. A few photo's is not asking much for someone who has nothing of her childhood.

What selfish, careless, heartless people. Just because they have an amazing stable family, my cousins have always had their Mummy and Daddy and even our Nana be there for them. Well I would love to see them endure half the shit this life has dealt me. I have had to raise myself and my brother with an alcoholic father and a drug addict, prostituting Mum. I have had to live on the streets when the system failed me at 16 after 25 foster homes. I have had to pull myself out of drug abuse and domestic violence to give my children everything thay have today yet I live every day feeling completely alone. No grandparents for my kids, no aunty's or uncle's or cousins around for them. Seriously what is a few photos of me and my mother in happier times to them?

My heart aches..

Who the hell does this?

It's like I don't exsist..

Fair enough they don't like me, the feeling mutual.

I just want to have photos to share with my kids, to put int our photo albums to feel like I actually fit somewhere in this world. I want to be able to say "This was Mummy when.." or "This is your Grandmother when Mummy was (however old)." Instead the only opion I have is to show my kids my Mum in the photos I have, completely scared up and either drunk or stoned. I know what my Mum is. Everyone does but I dont want to be putting it into my childrens faces.

A few photo's I asked..

How does nothing sound Melissa?!!

Read More

All 210 Episodes of Peppa Pig!

Today I was saddened to hear that ABC may be axing the much loved childrens TV program 'Peppa Pig'. Peppa pig has been a major part of my daughters childhood with her spending hours in front of the idiot box watching Peppa and her friends getting themselves in all sorts of michief. My daughter owns the complete 4 seasons of Peppa Pig and even the special Christmas and ABC episodes. So one could say she is very much a Peppa Pig fanatic. When I asked her today what her favorite episode was she replied

When Gorge's Dinosaur gets stuck up the tree and Daddy Pig has to get it down for him

She also loves Rebecca Rabbit and Zoe Zebra the best. 

I myself remember both of the kids giggling and copying these two episodes word for word.

Peppa Pig is a part of our family.

And if they do happen to axe the show.

We'll invite our friends over for a Peppa Pig Spectacle!!

Do you have littlies who too LOVE Peppa Pig?

Read More

BOREDOM + EBAY = $$$

So it's Sunday night, the kids are in bed and the house is at peace. I make a phone call to a friend who has been begging me to call and he and I sit on the phone for about an hour. After the phone call I jump in the shower, put a facemask on and jump into my PJ's. I pull out a movie borrowed from Blockbuster and slip it in. The movie is boring.. The ending is predictable.. Bored I jump into bed and snuggle under my doona. I grab my laptop from beside me and place it on my lap. I check a few emails, browse a few blogs, check Facebook but before long I'm on ebay..

I am not one to usually spend a lot on ebay. I feel really guilty buying for myself. But lately I have been bored with my wardrobe. I wear the same things over and over and over again. I actually really dont like buying clothes or clothes shopping in general. It's hard to find things that fall nicely on me.

Anyhow, an hour into browsing Ebay I found something I liked. And having bought of this seller before I knew it would fit me because I already had the exact same top in a different color. Then I found something else, and something else, and soon I found myself clearing my "watch list" to make room for the things I now wanted.

Here are a few things I bought tonight..

I love this, it's long sleeve and white. 

Also long sleeve but very elegant.

This is the one I already own in navy blue. My fave.

And I love this. Will look great with a loose belt even..

Dressing plus size sucks, I remember when I could go into supre and I could just grab anything size 12-14 and slip into it all nicely.. Now I wear tops that cover my wide hips and curves.. But it's nice when you find something that hides them well. It makes you feel good about yourself. If only for the moment.

Read More

Nevaehs Test Results:

First of all I'd like to say a big thank you to all who have been praying for Nevaeh. Our family and friends and followers on my networks abroad.

Last week Nevaeh got her results from her blood test, urine tests, untrasounds and xrays.

Everything came back 'normal'. 

Although I am happy that our beautiful girl is happy and healthy I would have liked to have got answers as to why she is constantly craving food and why she is getting pains in the stomach after she eats.

We have now been referred to a pediatrician.

The doctor said that it could be psychological.

I'm worried.

Please continue to pray.. 

Read More

Stepping Out for Sienna!

This morning the kids woke up completely excited about the family fun day happening at St Bernards Church here in Bacchus Marsh. Front Page of the paper last week was an article titled "Step out for Sienna". The article touched a little bit on this young girls courageous battle with Cerebral Palsy and her need for additional care financially. Sienna is one of three, sharing her mothers womb and everyday life with two other siblings, but today the people of our tiny town ventured out for her!

Nevaeh was excited because she knew her favorite kids band "The Kazoos" would be performing! She woke me up excitedly begging to get dressed. With a thumping headache and a throat that felt like razor blades I dialed her fathers number to call in a favor.

For the next 5 minutes I was abused firstly for leaving him with no notice (like you can really organise sick days in advance) and then because of a post on my instagram last night (which was of the kids in shorts and a singlet).  The conversation ended in a racist remark before I hung up. 

Nevaeh was still a jumping jellybean for The Kazoos were in town and I knew it would just shatter her if she couldn't go. So I jumped in the shower and got the kids ready. With a quick stop into the chemest on the way for Strepsils and Panadol, we made our way to the family fun day for Sienna! 

While Nevaeh was front and center at The Kazoos show, Jie begged for a game of shooting. I gave him some cash to have a go and he was amazing. He shot 3 ducks and won three prizes for himself..

The kids got hungry and so for morning tea they payed $2 to design their own individual cup cakes. Nevaeh chose a chocolate Dino with butterfly sprinkles while Jie jazzed his icing up with three kinds of sparkly sprinkles and a marshmallow on the top!

Nevaeh had three games of the fishing game (where you have a rod and have to fish for a magnetic duck, frog or whale) and she won herself three prizes too!!

The kids had a fun family day and we donated what we could for Sienna.

When we got home and after lunch I needed to rest. The kids were amazing keeping the noise to a minimum and making minimal mess as I rested. When dinner time came around they blew me away after I'd explained that I was only going to make toasties as I wasn't up to making a hot meal. There was no fuss and I was able to just get what needed to be done, done. They even put themselves to bed after dinner. I sat up to watch an old favorite but watching a movie alone is not great so I asked each of them if they wanted to come watch it with me. With pop corn and blankets we watched Over The Top together (from different couches) before calling it a night.

Mums sometimes do it tough. But I have great kids. Which makes it just a little easier.

Thanks guys..

Read More

Mothers Day 2014

Being a mother to my two beautiful gifts from God is the most amazing blessing in the whole entire world. I take my role as a mother very seriously knowing that it's my sole responsibility as a single mother to raise my children to become independant people in this selfish world.

As I have said before my parenting goal is that when my children leave my home, that they will be independently dependent on God.

Mothers Day morning for me this year wasn't too exciting.

No presents or breakfast in bed or flowers.

No paintings or hand written cards or chocolates.

Just my amazing son laying next to me.

Nevaeh spent most of Mothers Day with her father and family.

She went to visit her "Little Nan" in Seymour with her Pop and Nee Nee.

While she was away I booked us into a local restaurant for tea.

The kids and I wined and Dined at Back to Bacchus for the first time.

The service, food and prices were all phenomenal.

So although my Mothers Day started off a little slow..

We found our new favorite place to eat!

Back to Bacchus

Check them out and you tell me how good they are!!

For now though, head over to my Instagram for a few fun photo booth pics taken of me and the kids before dinner last Sunday Night..

>> Click here to check them out now! <<

Stay Blessed All. 

Until next time..

Read More

These are a few of my favorite things..

• One on one time with my son
• Watching Tomorrow When The War Began on DVD
• Talking to my Dad & my best mates
• Sleeping in
• Face masks
• Shiny nail polish
• Tomato and cheese on toast
• Playing Uno
• Listening to 89.9 LightFM
• Catching up on Celebrity goss
• Instagram
• Spending time with God
• Eating Chinese 
• and Vanilla yogurt

All of these are just a few of my favorite things and today I did all of them.

Something as simple as 'sleeping in' may not look much written but trust me.. its a big deal to me!

I love my sleep though it's as rare a diamonds in my home.

Anyway, I just wanted to record my day with my amazing boy.

Photos on my instagram (Here..)

Mothers Day tomorrow!!

Cant wait!!

Read More

Growing Up!

My baby girls days of being my baby girl are over.

Nevaeh has always been a confident, active and happy child. She had always been outgoing and talkative to everyone she meets and with her out there personality she has amazing social skills.

Nevaeh is smart, and funny, and kind, and loving, and cute and.. and.. I could go on all day..

She is also demanding, highly needing/wanting attention all the time and is always into something.

She almost never sits still.

Since becoming 5 there have been some pretty big changes.

Like wanting to do everything herself.

Like extra chores and responsibilities.

Like walking ahead of her brother and I for a little independence.

Like going from the 4-7 kids range at Target to the 7-14 range.

That's when it hit me.

Looking through the "Big Girls" section of Target today for a jackets and jumpers made me realize just how much she is going to change now.

The 4-7 kids range has so much light pink and light purple little outfits and dresses.

The 7-14 kids range has more blues, salmon, ripped denim and dark pinks and purples.

So gone are now the days of dressing her in sweet innocent girly clothes.

And hello to "teeny bopper" clothes.

She still feels too young to be wearing at least half the things I saw today while shopping.

Even the kids essentials in her size are too grown up for her.

Reality of it all is that my baby is growing up.

And I'm not liking it one bit.

The older she gets - the older I get.

Noooo...

Read More

Ultrasounds and X-rays Today

Nevaeh was so nervous this morning. Probably the most nervous I have ever seen her. Waiting in the waiting room she asked 101 questions about what was going to be happening to her. "Will it hurt?" was what she wanted to know most of all and when her name got called she froze and didn't budge.

Eventually she walked into the ultrasound room and as she sat up on the bed she begged for me to sit with her and hold her hand. She found the gel quite cold at first but giggled at me saying she had a jelly belly. Her nerves subsided as the lady kept talking to her and I stepped back to grab a few quick snaps.

Once the Ultrasound was done it was time to step into the X-ray room with a very friendly and funny bloke. Nevaeh had no nerves this time. She laughed at his many jokes and debated about a heart being in the shape of a heart. He was telling her that it looks more like a pear but she wouldn't have it.

Two pictures were taken before he showed her what her heart actually looked like. "Okay okay okay.. It does look like a pear. A big fat juicy pear actually!" she giggled, making us all burst out and laugh. She got two stickers and asked for another one (of a tiger) for her brother.

All in all it was a positive experience.

We get all her results on Thursday afternoon.

Praying for answers..

Read More

Testing out my new Camera!

 These photo's were all taken in our backyard using my new Nikon D5000. One thing I took from today is the fact that I need Go-Go gadget arms! This camera is very heavy and hard to take selfies. But we made it work! Stay tuned for more amazing shots as I continue to dive into the art of photography.

Read More

10 ways to encourage your child to help around the home.

One thing my kids enjoy doing is their chores. Yes that's right. Chores!

No child likes cleaning their rooms. Mine included.

But my kids love doing their chores on Saturdays.

Here are 10 ways to encourage your kids to do their jobs that actually work in our home..

Prepare them. 
Give a time and day a week prior to when they will be expected to do their jobs. If under 5 give them 10 minutes notice. Saying something like "In ten minutes time we're going to be doing our jobs". This always works for my kids. Jie (8yo) now knows that Saturday is our clean up days while Nevaeh still needs to be reminded 10 minutes prior.

Assign a job.
Only you know your child so you know their abilities. When choosing a chore for them to do base it on their capabilities. For example you wouldn't get your 3 year old to vacuum or put the bins out on a Tuesday night. But a three year old may be able to pick up the clothes in the bathroom or put the knives, forks and spoons away. Older kids can do things like put the recycling out, clean rooms and hallways or learn to use the washing machine and dishwasher.

Clear expectations.
When giving your child the job make it clear to them what you expect them to do. Giving the instruction to "Clean the kitchen" can confuse a child so set out and simplify the task for them. This may include things like.. 1. Stack the dishwasher. 2. Wipe the sink and benches. 3. Wipe the cupboards and draws. 4. Sweep the floor. etc. You can write them up or continually tell them. I personally prefer to tell them one by one. But it also depend on your child.

Give a demo.
Go through how you want things done. With what products and how to use them. While teaching a child how to use a broom and dust pan and brush may sound silly - do it! Take that extra time to explain any questions they may have in using new cleaning utensils and demonstrate how to use them properly.

 Never shout or degrade their efforts.
If you see that you child is not doing something right, assess it. Watch for a minute and ask yourself if the job is still getting done. For example, your child is spraying windex onto the sponge instead of on the surface then cleaning. Is the area still getting clean? Yes. Don't make a big deal because they're not doing something your way. Allow them to have a little independence. If it's really bugging you walk away. But if you absolutely have to show them how to do something "right" than intavine in a calm and respectful way. "Hey Jimmi, this looks great in here! Can I show you how I do it sometimes?" Then he feels like he has a choice and will most likely try your way. Never shout. This will make your child withdraw and not want to try again next time.

Make it fun.
Switch the music up. Dance around. Dress up in scrubbers (old clothes). Tell jokes. Talk. Spy. Do anything you possibly can to make the kids have a good time.

Set an example.
If your children are cleaning, you should be cleaning. Kids watch you and everything you do. Make sure that every time they see you, your cleaning. This will motivate them more.

Praise in every way.
No matter if the job is big or small say "WOW!". Look shocked. Ask if they really did it. Be seriously excited. Be over the top happy. Be proud. Give hugs. Tell them they're the best. Tell them they do it better than you. Dance with glee. Ask them what they want for tea!

Shout it out.
Everyone that comes over, tell them what Jimmy did. Everyone who calls tell them what Jimmy did. Tell other siblings. Tell the neighbors. Tell the pets! Make them feel amazing about helping their Mama.

Feedback.
Talk before bed. Seriously. Ask your child what works for them. What doesn't. What you can do to help them. What their favorite thing is about their chores. What was the worst. Make it about them and make them feel independent. Tell them what you think about honestly. Ask them how you can make it better next time.

Read More

Meet Boots!

Boots is a massive Labrodore..

He is gentle, friendly and so beautiful.

His head is bigger than her's.

Nevaeh fell in love with him the first time they met.

Literally love at first sight.

Boots loves trying to cuddle her, often pushing himself against her.

You may have seen him sitting at Jolly Millers here in Bacchus Marsh.

If you see him give him a pat.

And think of his best friend..

Nevaeh!!

Read More